The Hole in the Wall: My Journey From Broken to Breakthrough
Thirty. The number hung heavy, a stark reminder of unfulfilled dreams. I’d envisioned a thriving church, a bustling community outreach program – a life brimming with purpose. Instead, I felt like a complete failure. My thirties began with a quiet, insidious mid-life crisis, a gnawing sense of inadequacy that overshadowed everything.
A business acquisition in 2010 offered a glimmer of hope. I saw it as a stepping stone, a way to fund my church ambitions. But the economic downturn, coupled with my own naivete in the business world, dashed those plans. The income never materialized as I had hoped.
Then, the rug was completely pulled out from under me. In 2012, the organization owning our church building sold it without warning. Within months, the property was gone, and with it, a significant part of my identity. I spiraled into a depression so deep, I didn’t even recognize it at first. The years that followed were a blur of disillusionment and despair. My dreams lay shattered, and the weight of it all pressed down relentlessly.
The business limped along, but the strain was immense. My wife, bless her heart, shouldered the burden, working tirelessly so I could continue paying my parents’ wages – they worked for me, but I was failing them all. The pressure manifested in terrifying ways. I remember screaming at my children, rage erupting over trivial matters. The holes I punched in the walls were a testament to my inner turmoil, a silent scream of my own making. The fear of harming my children haunted me.
To protect my family, I started hiding in my room after work, desperate to control the monster within. The isolation was crushing, but it was better than the alternative.
Then, early 2017, a small notebook on my wife’s nightstand changed everything. A casual glance revealed a journal entry that ripped through my carefully constructed facade. My wife’s words laid bare the devastation I’d caused: she’d considered leaving, even death, as a solution to my unraveling. My personal struggles had nearly destroyed my family. The realization hit me like a physical blow.
That night, I apologized to my wife, a raw, heartfelt apology born from the depths of my shame and regret. I committed to finding help, to fixing what was broken.
My search for answers led me to the world of personal development. Names like Jack Canfield, Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, and Dr. Demartini became my guides. I learned I was suffering from a severe case of depression, rooted in a profound lack of purpose. Their teachings, coupled with the transformative power of gratitude journaling and the success principles, began to heal me.
A choice crystallized: if these principles could change my life, they could help others. I enrolled in Jack Canfield’s Train the Trainer program, becoming a Certified Success Principles Trainer. My life transformed.
Today, I’ve helped a business grow from $100,000 to $500,000 annually. I’ve served as a Production Manager, I run a thriving agribusiness, and I find immense purpose in guiding others on their journeys. The holes in the wall remain a stark reminder of my past, but they’re also a testament to my resilience and the incredible power of transformation. My journey is far from over, but I’m ready for what comes next, and I’d be honored to help you on yours.
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